Du pain, du vin, du Pork Pie.

I went to our local shop the other day and spotted a Goat's cheese, wrapped in a big label, saying "reduced"! Win win - it ended up in my shopping basket...

It enjoyed a few days in the fridge - I don't eat Goat's cheese every day, you know! Anyway, a few days ago I removed the dark blue wrapping and... The cheese had gone all brown!! Damn.

Ok, I know it had been reduced but still - it wasn't that long ago I bought it. I cut a piece to see what it looked like within.

It was a Pork Pie.

I like BIG ones

Having lived in England since 1998, I have got used to most things English. I thank the bus driver when getting off the bus, I have increased my tea consumption, I queue in an orderly manner - you know the things I mean. However, one thing this extremely adaptable and broad-minded Swede find it hard to accept is the way British people eat cheese.

It would be unfair to put the blame solely on the British as I feel exactly the same about the French. To be more precise, I should perhaps state it is not the cheese itself but the way it is being delivered that is the cause of my concern. More specifically, I am talking about how the packaging does not comply with the tool with which one eats it. And - I am talking about hard cheeses only.

Take breakfast, for example. Swedish people usually have slices of cheese on their bread, often adorned by slices of pepper, tomatoes or cucumber. I know, I know - we're so boringly correct & healthy. After all, we did invent the seat belt, so what do you expect? Oh, and dynamite.

Now then, to make proper slices you need an "osthyvel"- Swedish for cheese cutter.

Say after me: "Ost-hyv-el". Well done.

But unfortunately, these are far and few between in this country. You can get them at posh cookery type shops - or at IKEA, of course. But even if you are equipped with a proper "osthyvel", you will find that the shape of the cheese itself doesn't quite correspond to 'Swedish standards'. In other words, it is simply too thin. It won't take more than a few sandwiches to make this piece of cheese completely unworkable. Put it on its high side and it becomes too unstable and produces ridiculously tiny slices.

I am aware that the British way of Cheddar munching is more leaning towards little chunks, cut off with a knife, and meant to be eaten in a Ploughman environment. And the French façon is again, completely different and definitely requires du vin, du pain & du Boursin..

But I still would like a proper sized triangular piece of hard cheese. There. I've said it.

And - a final note, giving credit where credit is due: The "Osthyvel" was invented by a Norwegian - not a Swede. Heja Norge!