If Lars Norén had done IKEA

Whenever I walk around an IKEA shop in the UK, I find it amusing that I understand what the product names really mean, whereas the English speaking IKEA staff probably don't. (Or maybe they have done a course – I don't know.) I have always wondered what it would be like if the names weren't so... perfect. And nice. Therefore, I made my own version:

Swedes will understand this one – I hope. If you're not Swedish or if you're Swedish but never heard of  Lars Norén , I can tell you he's a Swedish playwright, known for his realistic, incredibly gritty and black family dramas.




Ash tray – NICOTINE
Bar stool – WOBBLE
Bathroom scales – ANOREXIA
Bed sofa – DIVORCE
Bib – DRIBBLE
Bread knife – PLASTER
CD shelf – PIRATE
Ceiling mirror – PERVY
Cocktail glass – TIPSY
Dining table – DARFUR
Door mat – PISS-OFF
Foldable table – PINCH
Guest towel – SHOW-OFF
Handmade carpet – SADDAM
Kitchen hook – BROILER
Laminate floor – FRACTURE
Magnifying glass – ACNE
Oven cloth – ASBESTOS
Pillow case – SNORE
Plastic bucket – VOMIT
Plate – CALORIE
Scented candle – CANNABIS
Sheep skin mat – HALAL
Shower curtain – PSYCHO
Spring mattress – OUCH
Sunbed – MELANOM
Swivel armchair – DIZZY
Table fan – MENOPAUSE
Toilet mat – DRIP-DROP

I'm sure you can add a few?